Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
