so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fill condoms, not promises.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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