After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
