Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
