Ketchup is God's man juice
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
