I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
