I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
