Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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