She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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