Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
