found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
