well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
