I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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