I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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