Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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