Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
