just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
