soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
