i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
