Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had sex on a roof
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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