he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How's work?
Spinning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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