yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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