omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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