Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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