when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
