do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
