Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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