Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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