Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My balls are so social today.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
