he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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