you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
