just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
