As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
