He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
