After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
