we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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