SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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