I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
operation have a gay friend backfired
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
