Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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