Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
