There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
