he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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