My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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