I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
