I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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