I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I touched a dick in church today
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
