Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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