____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
