insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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