Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
