you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
